Choosing your bridal party should be an easy task. But in my reality, it was more stressful then I thought. And if you are like me….here are some things you should know.

You do not owe a spot in your bridal party to ANYONE. You don’t need to give your future sister-in-law a spot. You don’t need to give your own blood sister a spot. You choose who YOU want in your bridal party that you think will enhance your bridal experience from the bridal shower, to the bachelorette and ultimately, the wedding.


Really think about who you want in your bridal party before asking. I had a situation where I wish I had never asked one of my bridesmaids, and now we are no longer friends (more on that later). Who do you want to see in your pictures for the rest of your life? Are any of your bridesmaids going to cause unwanted drama? Does anyone have a situation where they might not be able to fulfill their duties of being a bridesmaid? These are all things you should think about before choosing your party.

I know it’s hard…you have probably thought about this during the course of your life even before you were engaged. And if you have put a lot of thought into it and already have a very solid list, then go for it! But sometimes your list may include someone you might just think you owe a spot to, as you will see in my personal story below.

Bridesmaid proposal boxes

Bridesmaid proposal boxes

So what happens when there is drama in the bridal party? Let me tell you about my personal experience. I picked my 5 person bridal party, and one of the girls, let’s call her C, started being difficult from the beginning. C and I had been friends for 10 years, we were great friends in high school, drifted apart during college but then had regular visits once a year. That was my mistake…C is a person I felt obligated to ask to be in my bridal party because of our history. C and I had a couple fallings out before, and she had always seemed to be surrounded by drama. I should have seen the red flag. I won’t get into specifics of the straw that broke the camel’s back in what C did to me, but I knew that I had to kick her out of my bridal party for everyone’s benefit. I knew this would end our friendship. I carefully constructed what I had to say to her, and confronted her. We have not spoken since and I did not regret my decision ever. In fact, I was relived I kicked her out 9 months before the wedding because I enjoyed EVERY part of my planning process sans C.

Photo credit: Derek Halkett

Photo credit: Derek Halkett

If you have chosen a party and are iffy on whether you want to kick a bridesmaid out, weigh the pros and cons. Consider that kicking them out might end the friendship all together. Do not kick someone out on a rash decision. Weddings really do show people’s true colors, and sometimes it is eye opening. In my opinion, your ultimate goal should be to have a chill group of girls (or guys) who support and love you. Ones who want to have fun at the bachelorette and wedding and help you as needed. That is what I had and we had the BEST time. Good luck in choosing your party if you are currently going through that!



Kyrsti Tam